


oh, dear misery,

by HonkAus



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, i look at tommy and his trauma and go Oh? I can Project?, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29630694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonkAus/pseuds/HonkAus
Summary: The bedsheets are hot. The entire room is hot, really, and Tommy continues to stare at the fucking ceiling. He's been doing this since Tubbo ushered him to bed, which was… at least two hours ago. Probably more.Tommy isn't the best with keeping track of time anymore.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 56





	oh, dear misery,

**Author's Note:**

> tw: panic attacks, hyperventilating, mentions and descriptions of past abuse (physical and emotional), mentions and descriptions of being unable to breathe, negative self-talk, light (unintention) self-harm? let me know if I missed anything!! stay safe everyone<3

The bedsheets are hot. The entire room is hot, really, and Tommy continues to stare at the fucking ceiling. He's been doing this since Tubbo ushered him to bed, which was… at least two hours ago. Probably more. 

Tommy isn't the best with keeping track of time anymore. 

He can hear the crickets outside, hears the muffled voices of people talking outside. Tommy used to like noise for sleeping, kept him calm. Growing up with Wilbur and Techno, that was expected, with them always bickering throughout the night. The noise no longer brings him any peace, though.

He lets out a soft groan, pulling a pillow over his head. He's tired, he'd love to be able to sleep right now, but he's just… on edge. A bubbling pit of anxiety eating at him. He wants to go sit with Tubbo, and talk to him about stupid shit, but Tubbo is almost definitely asleep by now, and, really, someone as annoying as him should be glad enough that Tubbo let him stay here in the first place. 

He hears a slam of a door and he jumps, scrambling to get out of his bed, the pit of anxiety erupting and filling his veins with panic.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Dream's here. Dream's  _ here. _ Dream found him, fuck. Dream fucking found him, didn't he? He's gonna walk through the flimsy wooden door that's falling apart and he's going to grin, that stupid  _ ugly fucking grin, _ and he's going to say  _ armor in the hole, Tommy, _ but Tommy doesn't have any fucking armor and Dream is  _ here _ and he's going to hurt Tubbo, just to make Tommy feel even worse, isn't he? Fuck.  _ Fuck. _

The teen whips his eyes around the room, dim with a small lantern in the corner, he's standing next to the bed, with the too-hot-bedsheets tangled around his legs, he stumbles back, falling against the wall as he looks for  _ something, _ anything, a place to hide or something to protect himself with, he doesn't  _ care. _

_ You wouldn't fight back anyway,  _ a small voice taunts as he eventually decides to hide under the bed.  _ You'd let him do whatever he wanted to, because you're a coward. _

He is a coward, isn't he? He would. He would let Dream do what he wanted while he sat there, scared, unable to even plead.

He's a coward who can't even get air into his lungs, he claws at his neck but all it does is make him bleed. He continues to claw. He can't fucking  _ breathe _ but maybe that's okay, maybe he'd rather die like this, a failure of his body's own design, in comparison to dying by Dream. His little pathetic whimpers and whines and sobs seemingly echo in his own ears, he hates them, hates himself, hates it all. He feels like he's back there, back in that shit house. He feels like Dream is going to threaten him at any moment and he  _ is, _ because Dream is  _ here,  _ because Tommy was, once again,  _ selfish,  _ and didn't want to be fucking alone.

He's a worthless fuck-up - hey, maybe that's why Dream picked him. It's not like anyone cared about Tommy, not really, he fucks up all of those relationships quite fast. Tubbo is just, he's keeping Tommy here out of  _ pity, _ really, and Dream is  _ here _ , and Tommy should still be in exile he should still be in that little rotten house that  _ stunk _ like no other and -

"Big man?" Tubbo's voice calls out, heavy with sleep as he walks into the room. Tommy goes silent.  _ For once, _ the little voice that seemingly hates him more than he does himself, chirps at him.

"... Toms?" He tries again, more alert, now, and Tommy curls into himself further. A sharp gasp forcing itself from his throat as he continues to hyperventilate. Panic fills him all over again, _no, no no no, go away Tubbo go away he'll get you he'll get you you don't deserve to be brought into this you -_

Tommy doesn't notice Tubbo getting under the bed with him, doesn't notice Tubbo putting the lantern he brought with him out, all too caught up in his own panic.

Tubbo doesn't reach out, doesn't steady Tommy, or tell him he's there, he lets Tommy calm, first. He doesn't prefer this, but knows from his own experience that  _ forcing _ someone out of a panic attack isn't a fun thing.

When Tommy's vision eventually does clear, and he can get a slightly more consistent breathing pace, Tubbo smiles. 

"Hey, big man."

Tommy's eyes are wide as he reaches for Tubbo's hands, clutching them almost painfully, but Tubbo pays it no mind. 

"I'm sorry - I'm sorry, I shouldn't have stayed, now he's here and I - I didn't  _ want _ him to come - Tubbo you have to know I didn't want him here -'' Tommy's words are jumbled and messy. Tears falling from his eyes as he shakes and Tubbo is just  _ confused. _

"... Who's here, Tommy?" He asks,

"Dream - he - he's  _ here - _ I don't want him here - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm  _ sorry,  _ you deserve better - I - I'm so sorry, Tubbo, I -" He babbles, pulling one of his hands away from Tubbo's as he tries to explain.

"Tommy - Tommy, hey, big man, listen to me, Dream isn't here."

"... What?" Tommy says, blinking as he looks at Tubbo. 

"He isn't here. I would know. He isn't here." Tubbo repeats, dragging Tommy's hands back to his own so he can hold them.

Tommy starts to shake again. He opens his mouth in an attempt to say something, but the words get stuck, a sharp sob coming out instead. Tubbo pulls him close.

"He can't get you, I won't let him." He continues to sooth.

When Tommy is calm enough, Tubbo drags them out from under the bed, groaning when his horns get stuck.

He puts on a bit of a show with it when he hears Tommy laugh at him, though.

Tubbo hums as he pulls them up onto the messy bed, the tune familiar yet distant for them both. Tommy curls right back into Tubbo when they get situated.

"I couldn't breathe." Tommy murmurs, voice soft and muffled against Tubbo's shirt. He pauses his humming and lets out a soft  _ mm? _

"He - he put me in a hole, one night. Instead of the classic  _ armor in the hole, Tommy, _ it was  _ Tommy in the hole, Tommy," _ His laugh is devoid of any real humor. "Locked me in. It was cold, and at first I - I thought he'd let me out, you know, so I was yelling, and then - I realized that he wasn't joking, and it - it was so hard to breathe in that hole, Tubbo." He explains further, voice getting softer and softer as he continues.

"It was so hard to breathe." His voice is so small. It hurts Tubbo to hear. Hear any of it, really, but hearing the way it still affects Tommy  _ crushes him. _

"He isn't here, Toms." Tubbo says again. 

"I won't let him touch you." Those words are mainly for himself, rather than Tommy, but they're true. He won't.

_ Tommy didn't deserve this. What happened to him,  _ Tubbo thinks, bitterly, as he holds the teen to his chest. None of them did. They're kids, for fuck's sake. Dragged into war before they were even fourteen. Dragged into so much more than that barely any time afterwards.

Tubbo may have fucked up with some things in the past, but he swears, fucking  _ swears, _ that if Dream  _ does _ come looking for Tommy? He will take the fuckers last life. No matter what. 

He's not letting his best friend get hurt like that again.

**Author's Note:**

> me 🤝 ranboo 🤝 tommy 🤝 tubbo
> 
> same trauma different flavors 
> 
> ANYWAY . CAN YOU TELL THE NEW TOMMY STREAM FUCKED ME UP <3 I couldn't even watch it but seeing clips and having it be explained Sure Was Enough!.
> 
> this is like. definitely unreadable but you know what. let me and my vent fic live.
> 
> I think dsmp!dream should rot amen🙏
> 
> also note tubbo didn't really do anything wrong 🙏 I just know that he'd internalize everything and blame himself for exiling tommy when he didn't really have a choice


End file.
